The N word by any other defintion or use smells just as bad to me

Nigger is a noun in the English language, most notable for its usage in a pejorative context to refer to black people, and also as an informal slang term, ...
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nigger -

Picture this: A crowded New York City Subway car on it's way to Brooklyn . The time
is a little bit after 3 in the afternoon. Many school aged kids are in the car. They are sharing space with the multi-cultured passengers who make up the mosaic of strap hangers on their journeys . The kids are loud , rambunctious , and slightly annoying in terms of the volume levels that accompany even the smallest of exchanges. " Yo, my nigga you going to your cousins house?" says one clearly Latino girl to her possibly African American friend. "No my Nigga , I'm going home " The possibly African American girl screams across the crowded car while trying to exit through the cramped doorway. Other kids enter and exit. Variations of the "my Nigga exchange take place. After so many years of hearing this in various locations and situations , I am still not desensitized , Every time I hear it, it reverberates as a reminder that there is a cultural consciousness battle that has been almost completely lost. I have heard all of the arguments about the word being transformed, detangled, and stripped of all evil because it has been inverted by its use as a both a term of endearment and a acknowledgment of realness. I have tried to understand a statement from a very intelligent friend who said to me once in the presence of a white man " We have bigger problems to deal with as a culture than the distraction of worrying about that word." I have witnessed an older White teacher allow his students to call him their nigger. His defense was that the Black and Latino students weren't doing any harm to him by calling him that. I was once called "nigga" by a 10 year old kid in Croatia who thought that the word was an informal greeting (reserved for the rare chance that he would actually meet a real Black person).
My middle school aged son is a witness to the surrender to this word. He says that teachers and staff at his school act as if they don't hear it. I tell him that in terms of the kids, he can't correct his peers. No one wants their teenage peer to be the language police. I am just glad that he hasn't surrendered. Before I do Black History month monologues in schools of characters who triumphed during Jim Crow , I have to preface them with an explanation of the racist/deadly connotations of the word as expressed by characters who either say it or hear it.
I understand the whole Stagolee badass describing himself in this way historically. That was a folk art way of trying to turn it around. Dick Gregory, Richard Pryor, The Last Poets, e.t.c were all trying to shatter cultural barriers, shock the status quo, or make people aware of a whole world that was treated as invisible or problematic by the mainstream. I get that.I also know that many of them later expressed some regret about their choice of that word to show authenticity. They nor rappers created the word. The original intent of the word was dehumanization. I think that it still does that. I asked one of my students how she felt about being greeted by her friends with"Whats up Nigga?" She says that in her head she says to herself" Couldnt you have greeted me better than that?" I feel that. So many people who have no connection to the historical pain attached to the word think that it's some kind of joke. Another young person (AA) who I am very close to had a post on her facebook page from one of her white friends that said "See you later my Nigga" . My friend said that she didn't even notice it until I brought it to her attention . It is not uncommon for many non Black people to greet each other that way in the presence of Black people. Many Latinos in NY use it even more than we (AA's do)
Words have power. Am I oppressed by the word ? No I'm not. Am I bothered by the word? Clearly it irks me to no end. When African American kids use it in my presence I ask them not to. 99 percent have said "My bad, I'm sorry." Most know that it's not a great word. However we all allow it to flow so casually. I've always wondered how it is processed by non Black folks.