This problem of homelessness in New York City always gives me pause and food for thought. Individual bag lady or shopping cart people , panhandlers, and runaway teens from Hick town America are only some of the more visible types of homeless. Like many people, I feel sympathy from a comfortable physical barrier. When one has to smell a crackhead's funk on a subway car , it has a tendency to make you hope that this encounter will be over with as soon as possible. How many of us have heard the , "I'm a veteran,, burned out of my apartment, and H.I.V positive stories and said to ourselves "After I give them this change, I hope they don't stand in front of me until the next stop"? Homelessness in your face is uncomfortable, disturbing, and sad. The majority of folks have their brief encounters with it, but don't think much about it after the moment is over. This is not an indictment on peoples reactions. It is a complex issue to ponder as we fight through for survival in our own lives. Occasionally even Hollywood and the Godhead/television have presented characters that find themselves shit out of luck. Of course these characters are usually sages who impart wisdom from the shopping cart. Or they turn out to be some legendary figure from the past who gets resurrected because of some child's relationship to him/her (usually him). We rarely have to think about the cold nights slept on subway cars, dehumanizing interactions with society, fear, shelter conditions , deteriorating health, stark poverty, mental illness,or drug addiction that accompany this life condition.Although I have done work in shelters using role paying and facilitation to teach health information , I recently found myself guilty of reacting in an inappropriate way during an incident with homeless man.
My Girlfriend and I were waiting for a train at 96th and Broadway. As is frequent on a Saturday night in NYC, the trains were rerouted. We had started out on a express train that had been making local stops before 96th . Anybody from NYC can tell you that trying to decipher what is going on from those warbled announcements over the train or train station's p.a systems is like trying to listen to a symphony underwater. When we got off signs were posted that explained what you needed to do to get to your destination. At this the 96th street stop, a homeless man in a wheelchair was tearing down one of the signs. I asked him "What are you doing?" Then I said" My man, people need to see those signs, chill." Well, that unleashed the fury of mental instability as he proceeded to curse me out. Instead of letting it go, I said" You can say what you want, but what's up with tearing down the signs?" He rolled up and down the station ranting about how people need to mind their business. Of course my Girlfriend is appalled by my actions. When the train finally rolls into the station , I know that this incident can end at last. I have never been lucky like that. He rolls his wheelchair into the same car as us. He then asks if anybody has a pen. I nudge my lady and whisper"Give him a pen please, maybe he'll go away." She gave it to me and I handed it to him. He snatched it from me, turned the sign over, and wrote I'm homeless and hungry on it. My lady gave me a "shouldn't you be ashamed of yourself look. I felt bad , but I mean during all of this he never paused from cussing at me or about me. I gave him a dollar to show no hard feelings. When he stood up to snatch it, we both noticed at the same time that he had a putrid knot the size of a grapefruit sticking out of his knee. My girl just gave me the gas face as he limped through the car giving his Vietnam Vet speech. All the while he pointed me out to everyone in the car. When he got back to his wheelchair , he asked her "Is he aways this nosy?" She nodded. He made some kind of muttered threat to me. The train came to his stop( a known drug spot I might add) he stumbled to his wheelchair and rolled off into the night.
I don't really care what those people on the train thought of me. I do care what my girl thinks. Although my experiences with other single homeless adults leads me to the conclusion that he is off to see the wizard of crack. Is that my business? Whatever gets him through the night of cold, fear, pain, and possible voices in his head is his business. This homeless thing is so complex.
Stay tuned - My next blog is on family homeless and the Family shelters. I have worked with this on so many levels
Peace
Daniel
2 comments:
My comments: First let me say that you have inspired me to start my on blog for my own selfish reasons. I need to force myself to write about all the things that are in my head. I am sure it will help my lot as a new writer in this game so thank you Daniel.
Now to comment on your blog. I've known you for some time now. And I know you will be the first one to speak up if you see an injustice. So I am proud that you said something to the man that was defacing property. No, he did not have markers, or a spay can but he was tearing down information that people needed to see. Just because he is homeless does that make him untouchable? Does it excuse his destructive behavior? I don’t think so. A lot of us are afraid to speak out, to say something when we see something. This is not an indictment. I am also guilty of not speaking out when my mind is screaming SAY SOMETHING. For example, I saw a mother on one occasion and a father on another occasion speaking inappropriately to their child. Cursing their child out in public. Although I saw these examples within the last two years it still haunts me that I didn’t say anything. I felt the child/children’s pain. I felt the pain of all of us on the street being witness to these outbursts. We were frozen in disbelief that a parent could speak to a child publicly in such a hurtful manner, but we didn’t say anything. Now every time I think of those incidents, I live with the pain and shame of embarrassment for not saying something.
When do we stop being afraid? When do we stand up for something? I understand how you felt. I understand how your girlfriend felt. Not wanting to see any conflict or potential harm coming to her man.
I also in some way understand this homeless man’s anger. When does he have a platform to be heard? Who is his advocate? How does he channel his misplaced anger? If he is in fact mentally unstable why isn’t he somewhere where someone can help him? If it is a drug related craze, something had to feed his need to medicate. To escape. Sometimes life can be so complicated, And in addition we are living in some strange times. I know we will see more homeless on the streets with this new policy of putting out families instead of individuals, racism is outing itself with a vengeance. It was always there but it was on the D.L. for awhile but now it’s back. Our young people…That is a whole nother blog!!! We are living in strange times. My comment.
Benja
I would say that your actions to me do not sound shameful. By just talking to that man you are a hundred times better than most people who completely ignore the homeless, letting their eyes wash over them as if they were invisible and in my opinion what could be worse than being invisible when all you really need is someone to pay attention to you and help you. You asking that man not to rip down the sign wasn't bad, a little insensitive maybe but you realized that it was insensitive, which is a beautiful thing. Just coming out of college and now working at a college I am meeting more and more people that are so wrapped up in their own world that moments of realization, such as the one you had about being insensitive and judgmental, may never happen to them because they don't actually care. I am reminded of Dave Chapelle's Killing 'Em Softly HBO special (I love comedy) where he references Sesame Street and talks about people just walking over the homeless. "Get it together grouch." His point was funny but true, not that Sesame Street creates negative images of homeless people and that they should be ignored and discarded but that the American society as a whole perpetuates those ideas. So your actions, while not the actions you would have liked to have done are innate and the fact that you realize as such and are willing to ponder it, well you are a step ahead of a lot of people.
-Ash
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