Beauty, Blackness , and a heartbreaking statement from a 14 year old Black Girl

As long as I live,I will never understand the level of cruelty, self hate, misogyny, various phobias( homo and others), and forgetfulness that happens in our African American Community.

Now I'm no" Pull yourself up by your bootstrap" Booker T Washingtonian republican with disdain for our people. I don't subscribe to Bill Cosby's pound cake stealing thug who should stay away from the pristine Spellman College debutantes theory. I recognize that we have never collectively recovered from slavery, Jim Crow, the murders of our leaders and warriors, or the myriad ways that White Supremacy has worked it's number on us. I even understand first hand how hard it is to escape both the ghetto and it's psychological effects on your brain. Just erasing the word Nigger from my thoughts took a mental revolution of epic proportions that didn't happen in a day or two. What I don't understand is how in this day and age I could hear the statement that I recently heard from one of my 14 year old girl drama students.

" I didn't know how Black and ugly I was until I came to this High School."

What??????

With 40 -50 years of Maya Angelou's, Essence and Ebony Magazine, Roots, Malcom, Spike Lee, The Panthers, Oprah, Toni Morrison, The Color Purple/Alice Walker, e.t.c why are we still here in 07? This is a school that exists mainly of students of color. There are no nooses connected to dubious and arbitrary prosecutions of Black children. There is not a chapter of the KKK presided over underground by the principal or the math teacher. She was not being escorted by the National Guard while the good White citizens of the town spat on her. This happened in Brooklyn ,NY. Jackie Robinson ( a dark man) led the Dodgers to the baseball promised land. Spike Lee admonished us to do the right thing. Dark Shirley Chisolm ran for President of The United States here. The community of Weeksville was built here by a Community of free Black folks who owned their own property and businesses . The most diverse grouping of African Diasporan Peoples on the planet lives here. So where in the hell did this 14 year girls tormentors get the idea that dark skinned people are ugly?
It's and old idea that has been perpetuated by both white supremacists and lighter skinned members of our race. Why won't it die? Why is it still the show stopper of insults? Why are the darkest people on the planet some of it's most oppressed?
I don't want to cast aspersion on Brooklyn as the self hate capital of the U.S. Here's another story that involves a friend of from Harlem: My friend, a well respected actress was involved as a volunteer on a trip that took a group of Black and Brown young people on a trip to perform as part of a national theatre festival. At some point during the trip a discussion took place amongst some of the girls about hair. One of the hair weaved young ladies got into a heated argument about good hair with some of the more conscious young ladies. Finally in exasperation one of the young women asked her to point out an example of good hair. Hair weaved 16 year old pointed to my regal short Afro wearing friend and said "It aint that". My friend was crushed. You see this is a person who spent time in the movement. This is a person who has dedicated all of her adult life to an aesthetic of Black Pride and upliftment through the arts. This is a person who although not a star, has major peer respect in the business. This is a person who brings quality Art In Education with an equal passion to the children. This is a person of beauty.
There are many people who feel that the ideas of the sixties and below are outdated . Many believe that "Say it Loud , I'm Black and I'm proud " belongs in the museum of quaint played out old school. But maybe those Langston Hughes Poems aren't meant for the oppressor to see our "beauty and be ashamed". Maybe we need to dig into those crates to find the beauty in ourselves. Are little black girls still reaching for that blond doll as the standard of beauty?
To fling my arms in some place of the sun
Dance whirl dance
Till the white day is done
Then rest at cool evening
A tall slim tree
While night comes on tenderly
Black
Like Me
quote from Dream Variation by Langston Hughes

Homeless Families Put Out In The Streets of NYC/What kind of Ish is this?

Being a New Yorker is a pretty sad thing these days. I mean sure we live in a city that has the greatest parks, museums, theaters, neighborhoods, some schools, dance clubs, concert halls, sporting events, and other diversions. On any given day you can explore the world without ever leaving town. But what about the flip side of all this? I believe that it is the for sale sign to big business(S) that exclude, evict, demonize, and demolish the poor. Rents are sky high. Gentrification is bulldozing and building over working class neighborhoods. I live in Harlem which means that I am a daily witness to the gentrification effect.Mom and pop businesses around my way are closing like crazy. I miss the soul food restaurant Copelands(145th terribly. I used to go to Reliables the cafeteria part of it when I wanted finger licking soul gravy that I sopped up with a delectable biscuit. Places like this were built to serve people who were forced by defacto segregation to live in these neighborhoods. Nobody outside of Black and Latinos were even trying to live up here. Even though the overcrowding and often poor conditions were coupled with slum living, some great Harlemites managed to build , create, overcome, and even triumph against great odds. A great many others fell victim to the vices of the street. Some never prevailed against the poverty. I certainly don't want to see the bad days come back, but those moving trucks that bring one family in to the good new times are replacing another group who won't reap the benefits of this great opportunity. Some will end up homeless. It's not like outside of the Public Housing ( with waiting lists that go on for years )that there is all of this great affordable housing waiting for poor or even middle class people to come take it. This scenario is taking place in other neighborhoods around the city. People who survived for years now can't afford to stay where they've invested generations. Where do they go? What about the minimum wage workers? Where do they go once a neighborhood is the new Harlem, Williamsburg , e.t.c? Now factor in the abused, uneducated, burnt out of their homes, down on their luck, or whatever causes the Marshall to say "hand over them keys." What if they have children? Where do they go?
NYC might be the only city in the country with A Right To Shelter Law. The way I understand it to work is that after a person or family declares themselves homeless , the city provides temporary shelter until they can connect you in to permanent housing. This idea worked for all involved for years because they were sent to look at apartments in a lot of less than desirable neighborhoods. Landlords liked it because they received that good section 8 money. When these neighborhoods gentrify, why should a landlord take a lesser amount than the 3 grand more that they can make from some gentrifying tenants? Plus section 8 make a lot of mistakes. I'm not even sure if they give section 8 vouchers to shelter residents anymore. So now , record numbers of families are trying to get in to the Shelter system. The city has decided that many of these people are fakes who really have somewhere to live. They are now turning families away unless they can prove that they've exhausted all of their living possibilities. Correct me if I'm wrong , but doesn't standing outside with your sad and hungry children begging for shelter say something about your housing possibilities? The city now says that if you have a relative or friend then you should go and live with them? Huh? What if that relative or friend is abusive. What if there's no space? What if the rules of their subsidized housing say that they can't have other people on the list? What if s can go on and on. If the city told you that you were ineligible before today's policy change, they gave the family temporary shelter until the issue could be resolved. Now they are not giving them a reprieve. They are turning people away at the gate. There is no room at the Inn. Less not even discuss all of the tragic fires that happen when 2 or more families double or triple up in one bedroom apartments Are we the people really allowing Big Business Bloomberg to put children out in the cold?
I am not a give everybody a hug and it will alright person. I do believe that people have to take responsibility when they can. But the flip side is the playing field is not equal for everyone .I also believe that there are poverty hustlers who take advantage of the system. Does that mean that we throw the baby and the bathwater out into the street. I have done work in the Shelter System for years as a teaching artist. I have seen the best and worse of human nature in these places. I have seen how many of the children are lost, angry, and disappointed in their parents. I have listened to grown men cry about what they perceive to be their failures as fathers. I've seen mothers trying to hold just one more day. I've heard people describe the system as their Santa Claus. I've never heard anyone talk about the affordable apartment that they lucked out on.
Maybe the Shelter part of this post is moot. The city is not letting them in there anyway.
I'm so disappointed in our city these days.

Homelessness/ 96th street on a saturday night

This problem of homelessness in New York City always gives me pause and food for thought. Individual bag lady or shopping cart people , panhandlers, and runaway teens from Hick town America are only some of the more visible types of homeless. Like many people, I feel sympathy from a comfortable physical barrier. When one has to smell a crackhead's funk on a subway car , it has a tendency to make you hope that this encounter will be over with as soon as possible. How many of us have heard the , "I'm a veteran,, burned out of my apartment, and H.I.V positive stories and said to ourselves "After I give them this change, I hope they don't stand in front of me until the next stop"? Homelessness in your face is uncomfortable, disturbing, and sad. The majority of folks have their brief encounters with it, but don't think much about it after the moment is over. This is not an indictment on peoples reactions. It is a complex issue to ponder as we fight through for survival in our own lives. Occasionally even Hollywood and the Godhead/television have presented characters that find themselves shit out of luck. Of course these characters are usually sages who impart wisdom from the shopping cart. Or they turn out to be some legendary figure from the past who gets resurrected because of some child's relationship to him/her (usually him). We rarely have to think about the cold nights slept on subway cars, dehumanizing interactions with society, fear, shelter conditions , deteriorating health, stark poverty, mental illness,or drug addiction that accompany this life condition.Although I have done work in shelters using role paying and facilitation to teach health information , I recently found myself guilty of reacting in an inappropriate way during an incident with homeless man.
My Girlfriend and I were waiting for a train at 96th and Broadway. As is frequent on a Saturday night in NYC, the trains were rerouted. We had started out on a express train that had been making local stops before 96th . Anybody from NYC can tell you that trying to decipher what is going on from those warbled announcements over the train or train station's p.a systems is like trying to listen to a symphony underwater. When we got off signs were posted that explained what you needed to do to get to your destination. At this the 96th street stop, a homeless man in a wheelchair was tearing down one of the signs. I asked him "What are you doing?" Then I said" My man, people need to see those signs, chill." Well, that unleashed the fury of mental instability as he proceeded to curse me out. Instead of letting it go, I said" You can say what you want, but what's up with tearing down the signs?" He rolled up and down the station ranting about how people need to mind their business. Of course my Girlfriend is appalled by my actions. When the train finally rolls into the station , I know that this incident can end at last. I have never been lucky like that. He rolls his wheelchair into the same car as us. He then asks if anybody has a pen. I nudge my lady and whisper"Give him a pen please, maybe he'll go away." She gave it to me and I handed it to him. He snatched it from me, turned the sign over, and wrote I'm homeless and hungry on it. My lady gave me a "shouldn't you be ashamed of yourself look. I felt bad , but I mean during all of this he never paused from cussing at me or about me. I gave him a dollar to show no hard feelings. When he stood up to snatch it, we both noticed at the same time that he had a putrid knot the size of a grapefruit sticking out of his knee. My girl just gave me the gas face as he limped through the car giving his Vietnam Vet speech. All the while he pointed me out to everyone in the car. When he got back to his wheelchair , he asked her "Is he aways this nosy?" She nodded. He made some kind of muttered threat to me. The train came to his stop( a known drug spot I might add) he stumbled to his wheelchair and rolled off into the night.
I don't really care what those people on the train thought of me. I do care what my girl thinks. Although my experiences with other single homeless adults leads me to the conclusion that he is off to see the wizard of crack. Is that my business? Whatever gets him through the night of cold, fear, pain, and possible voices in his head is his business. This homeless thing is so complex.

Stay tuned - My next blog is on family homeless and the Family shelters. I have worked with this on so many levels
Peace
Daniel

My First Post

I have decided to join the world of blogs for my own selfish reasons like everyone else of course. I need to stay in the practice of steady writing. One can only hope that this application of a public diary will improve both my skills in writing and my depth.
Things that I won't write about:
1 Gossip- I feel that our American culture is seriously focused on the most trivial escapism of celebrity nonsense. I am no Brittany Spears, Lindsy Lohan, or Beyonce obsessed person with all of the time in the world to spend posting or receiving images of their latest foolishness. The fame game must be a bit of a drag on the other side of it. Although I do know a few major celebrities from my days as an actor, the public can only recognize them as out sized cartoon characters in the atmosphere of television screens that showcase them with the same intensity revered for Gods in past mythologies. I once tried to satisfy my curiosity concerning this phenomena by reading different Black Gossip sites. From this experiment I did learn that this stuff does have a certain addictive pull. I found myself losing hours looking at the latest pictures, discovering the latest beefs, checking out the links, and even reading reality show blogs.
I am not saying this to knock any one's personal interest in this stuff. I hopefully won't get caught up in writing this myself( as mind candy distracting as it is.
Whatever my feelings about it , I do feel that there are some bloggers who satirize this surreal life really well. Clay Cane the writer/blogger comes to mind. His page consistently hits areas of black pop culture from his gay black male perspective. He also drops some deep history/science when he feels that we need a deeper understanding of the roots of Amerikkan dysfunctions and hypocrisies.


Things that I would love to write:

Social Commentary: I believe that in spite of the fact that we are living in a gossip saturated world, the African American social commentary is in a golden (Or should I say ebony) age. Micheal Eric Dyson, Cornell West, Marc Lamont Hill ,e.t.c
Although my thoughts represent a grain of sand in comparison to the ocean of their vast bodies of work, I do have some things to say based on my studies, experiences, observations, and questions.

Stories: I am a storyteller by profession. I have written many things out of necessity. I will use this forum to get feedback on some of my current projects by way of samples. For example, I am writing a novel for Young Adults called Sick Secrets. I would love to hear what you think dear readers.

My experiences as a Teaching Artist : I work in the craziest places. I use role playing as a teaching tool in schools, jails, mental institutions , homeless shelters , and even traditional theatres. I have not been good at keeping a log of my almost 20 years of experiences in this crazy world that makes you want to laugh, cry , or just shake your head about the doings in these joints. I will try to share twice weekly.

That's it for now. I thank all 10(lol) people who will ever read this.
Daniel